Few
things in life are more terrifying than tall grass. And I mean full-blown, heart-pounding,
holy hell horrifying. It is not the sod itself, but the unseen hidden therein.
Before
we were married, my husband once asked me to cut across an unmowed farm field.
We started the shortcut, progressing through the pasture in waist high weeds
until he turned to find his typically fearless fiancé fighting back tears,
flapping her hands with her bottom lip bitten so firmly there was blood.
Needless to say we did an about face, piggy backed out of there and took the
long way ‘round. To this day, my complete meltdown in an overgrown meadow still
fascinates him to no end as being completely out of character. But it’s not an
unfounded fear. It’s an anxiety forged in my formative years.
Growing
up in Southern Kansas, in an area with more venomous vipers per square mile
than nearly anywhere else in the northwestern hemisphere, few things were pounded
into my head harder than snake safety. Don’t climb on rocks! Don’t reach into
woodpiles! Don’t wade in muddy water! And never, not ever, no matter what...go walking in TALL GRASS! In the days before cell phones, we were even taught to
take a pocketknife and make a cut to prevent the poison of a snakebite from
spreading. Real nightmare stuff for an elementary aged kid. Especially one with
a vehemently vivid imagination.
I
would picture them poised beneath my bed prepared to pounce as I jumped onto my
mattress to prevent them from piercing my ankles. I would check out books from
the library about snakes, then be terrified to turn the pages because they
might magically manage to bite me as I did. Rikki-Tikki-Tavi was my own personal
hero as he slayed the vile vipers that set out to spite the world.
And
sure, the childhood nonsense passed. I even faced my fear of our
footless friends and have done very well with it. I have encountered many a
snake without completely losing my mind. I have touched them. I have held them.
I have even fed them. But these were all serpents I saw coming. Had prepared
myself for. It’s the unexpected encounters I’m not so fond of.
Like
the time my friend and I were collecting cans as kids and she lifted one to a
rattling response FROM INSIDE THE CAN! Or the time my sister, as a toddler, was
running and squatting chasing after something that turned out to be A
COTTONMOUTH! Or the time I was so entranced trying to decide if a small snake
near some stairs was dead that I almost missed the larger one SPRINGING OUT
BEHIND IT!
But
the absolute worst was the time in college when one of my roommates snuck a
snake into our apartment to quietly care for it unnoticed over spring break.
One evening, as my then-boyfriend-now-husband was preparing to leave, she
started screaming for help in her bedroom. I rushed to her door before freezing
in fear as I locked eyes with a very large, very lengthy, very unanticipated
cold blooded creature tightening its grip AROUND HER NECK! Thankfully my date did
something because I was stunned completely still. He looked her in the face,
apologized for what he was about to do, then reached into my roommate’s
nightshirt and fearlessly retrieved the reptile and returned it to its
enclosure. I was infuriated and incredulous less at the snake and more at the
surprise.
And
there’s a higher likelihood of an unpleasant surprise when you step directly on
something you can’t see and that something doesn’t like being stepped on. And I
can’t say that I would really blame a snake for lashing out in retaliation. I
mean if someone came tramping into my house and stomped on me I’d bite the
bejesus out of them too.
And
you can tell me over and over about how most snakes aren’t poisonous. Well
great, glad to hear that the unseen “snake in the grass” that’s going to bite
me, possibly repeatedly, isn’t poisonous. Yes. That’s where that idiom comes
from. From something real. Something dangerous. Something unseen lurking in
that full-blown, heart-pounding, holy hell horror of that terrifying terrain…tall
grass.
Follow me on twitter and Instagram! @TheLauraBecker
Follow me on twitter and Instagram! @TheLauraBecker
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