Friday, December 1, 2017

My Unreturnable Gift To You, Whether You Want It Or Not!

And now, my unreturnable gift to you, whether you want it or not!
A selection of stories, with their links collected together in one location. 
To help celebrate the season. 
Or if nothing at least find the humor in it.

How The Grinch Didn't Bother To Steal Christmas Because It Was Filled With Malaise

In the big picture window of our home is the spot…
Where there should be a Christmas tree, but right now there is not.
Not because we hate Christmas! That just isn’t the reason.
It’s the lingering malaise left from election season.

Because Nothing Says Romance Like A Bread Maker

The tree was dead. Completely dead. Brown, crispy, surrounded-by-a-circle-of-needles-half-naked dead. And under it was a bread maker, that he swears to this day had no ulterior motive.

I Don't Want Anyone To Die For Me, I Just Want A Barbie

The moment my Dad lined the three of us up along the lip of our harvest gold and walnut couch, I knew it was a trap. I may have been seven years old, but I was savvy enough to see through “Do you know what Christmas is really about?”

Amish Underpants And All

Many families watch A CHRISTMAS STORY or IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE or read Dickens as part of their annual holiday traditions.

In our household, we retell the tale of my Christmas past, spent in a squad car, the "bad Denny's" and ultimately...Amish underpants.

The Beauty Of An Ugly Brown Hairdryer

You see, it was my Christmas present. The present. The only present…8 months before my family finally threw in the towel and limped our way kicking and screaming to Iowa after my dad's company was "acquired."

If I Had Known How Crazy Christmas Could Be, I Never Would Have Gotten Married In December 

Suspended by my seatbelt, I stared through the windshield at a snowy wall of white. The ditch was deeper than his car, now grounded on its grill, barely balanced by two tiny bushes that unbelievably broke our impact instead of surrendering us to slam headlong into the frozen fathoms below. This was not a good start to the wedding week.

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