Monday, August 29, 2016

The Crappiest Time of Day

Without a doubt, 4:45-6:45 PM is the crappiest time of day. This is not a feeling, it is a fact. I have never, in all of the time that I have lived in the South Bay, departed my doorstep during these exact hours without encountering hordes of humanity carrying tiny little totes of turd.

This fecal phenomenon unfolds each and every evening as commute weary crowds accompany their canines to defecate along the coast. And I mean multitudes. I suspect it’s some secret city statute. A mandated measure on manure that with strictly set synchronization dogs must descend directly on the beach in a mangled melee of masters with mutts all…on the make.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully understand it’s necessary everyone does their duty, including dogs. And biology tends to tick on a timer, but I am just fascinated that this one little strip of beach a block from my home is such a hot spot to plop with such punctual precision.

Oh sure, I regularly encounter pups on the promenade outside these parameters, but without a single plastic pouch of poo. And I have also encountered many a man’s best friend on a side street leading to the shore without a single squat copped. It’s as if they’re holding it in until they arrive. There’s just something about this particular parcel during these two hours. Perhaps it is because there’s no more picturesque perch for a pooch to potty than above the Pacific at sunset.

And I am grateful to the owners who take the time to scoop that poop. No one wants a feces filled footpath. There’s already enough, somehow conveniently forgotten, to keep us all on our toes. Because who doesn’t love an evening stroll with the odor of ordure following them firmly affixed to a flip-flop? As a result, I now try to take my daily 10,000 steps before the bewitching hours befall us.

Because they say sh*t happens. Well, I can tell you it does. And I can also tell you exactly where and when: Every evening along The Esplanade between the hours of 4:45 and 6:45 PM. The crappiest time of day.

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