There are in my life, those friendships that run deep and
rich and pure and true. And I have done absolutely nothing to make them happen.
These are my “low maintenance friendships.”
They are made up of people who are by no means the most
important individuals in my life, nor do they expect or demand to be. But they
are very often, among those, I have shared my most honest moments with. And
know that I can and will in the future. But how did this happen? How did they
come to be? And what are the common, core elements at the heart of these
enduring, intimate relationships?
1.) Shared
values, but not necessarily shared beliefs. But how can this be? Well, beliefs are ideas that we embrace as true. Values are ideals we strive to
attain. Beliefs are the boundaries. Values are the propeller. Beliefs keep us in our personal bounds, but without shared
values, we’re just a bunch of people fenced in together going nowhere. And
believe me, I have known people who have shared my beliefs but have been some
of the most labor-intensive relationships of my life.
2.) They
developed organically. Not through scheduled activities. We may have met at
a scheduled activity, but the friendship itself was developed outside of those limits. Personally. After hours. Over shared confidences.
3.) They
are in my life, but not the center of it. I know, understand, accept and
expect that my low maintenance friends have those in their lives far more
important to them than me. And vice versa. And we’re okay with that. In fact,
low maintenance relationships do not measure or worry about self much at all.
Which makes them all that much more endearing.
4.) They
give. They do not reciprocate. A low maintenance friend just gives in the
way that they give and accepts the gifts without demanding that what is given
matches what was received. Low maintenance relationships don’t keep score.
5.) They
yield to “No thank you.” When
one person in a low maintenance relationship says, “No thank you,” to a gift or
invitation, the other accepts it and leaves it at that. They do not insist on a
reason or continue badgering and bullying. Or fret over why.
6.) They hinge
on trust. A trust that you can present yourself just as you are, the good
and the bad, fully knowing that the other person may not love the bad, but despite
this, they will continue loving you.
7.) They
are not propped up by rules and expectations. They reach up hoping for the
best, but are grounded in reality. Low maintenance relationships leave room for
disappointment, but are not devastated by it.
8.) They
exist in the absence of jealousy. Those in low maintenance friendships are
truly happy for one another. And on the rare occasion they struggle to be…they
keep their distance until they can get it together and not rain on the other
person’s radiance. They are also not threatened by or slighted by that friend’s
time or relationship with another. Some are closer than others and they all
have their seasons. And they don’t fret when they see the “leaves start to
fall” from time or distance. They trust spring will come again.
9.) They
keep in contact because they choose to. Not out of obligation. They also
don’t go into a tailspin when there isn’t an immediate response. They know that
life is being lived, even when they are not there.
And most importantly and possibly most simply…
10.) Low maintenance relationships know that it is what it is. For
as long as it is. And that’s okay. Amazing how it takes the pressure off and
just lets us be ourselves so much more easily.
And no, not every relationship in our lives should be low
maintenance. But, I highly recommend having at least a few that are. This world
is demanding enough without our supposed “friends” piling on!
So to my low maintenance friends, I sing your praises!
For the times we celebrate by going off on an adventure to do
something fabulous. Or just sit at the kitchen table drinking a glass of wine
while your Kindergartener drags out everything they own to show their “guest,”
while tap dancing and begging for stories about “when they were little” while
you roll your eyes and know that I get you. Because I do. And you me. And we’re
good with it, just as it is.
Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @thelaurabecker
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